sherlock-holmes-watson:

Consider the following scene:

The angry mob chased Mason through the woods. He was scared.
Soon he was exhausted from his running, and he turned back to them once he knew he’d never make it out.
“Stop!” he shouted. “Not one more step, I tell you!”
They didn’t stop. He was scared.
“AAAAHHHH!!!!!”
They stopped and watched him. He was turning into a werewolf.
“I warned you!!!” he shouted. “I WARNED YOU!!!!!!!”

 Now consider this revision:

 Mason ran through the woods, his eyes darting back toward the way he’d been. Their footsteps followed after, harsh stomps on crisp leaves at an alarming pace. By the time he realized he couldn’t outrun them, his lungs were burning, aching, his feet begging to be freed from his worn-down sneakers. He stopped beside an oak tree, his hand falling along the bark, supporting the weight of his body as best it could.
“Stop!” he yelled back to the crowd mere yards behind him. “Not one more step, I tell you!”
Of course they didn’t listen. His attempts were feeble at best, and he should have known his exhausted voice wouldn’t scare them.
Suddenly he knew what he had to do, even if it was his worst fear. He screamed at the top of his lungs, a high-pitched yowl that would have deafened a closer bystander. Its echo shook the leaves above and sent every little critter and creature around back to their holes.
Gradually the angry crowd halted, staring at the transformation taking place before them.
“I warned you!” he yelled again, every muscle and vein in his neck straining. “I warned you!”

Writing scenes of emotion are much like this too, in that it matters more how your characters act than what they say. Instead of saying that he is scared, talk about his rapid heartbeat. Instead of saying he ran a long time, talk about the aches and pains in his body. Talk about the way others around react to your character’s emotional or physical state. Talk about their perspective on things. It gets the point across in a much more descriptive way.
Additionally, omitting the use of caps and multiple exclamation marks makes your writing cleaner and more professional. Writing online stories aimed at young readers can get you into the habit of writing in a style that many publishers do not accept. That doesn’t necessarily mean that your writing is bad, just that your style needs adjustment. I am a thirty-year-old woman, but when I write like I did in that first scene, it reads much less maturely.

Good luck!